


Oddities Come in Pairs

by Iguanadont (Megalodont)



Category: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Can See It, Doctor Who References, Domestic Fluff, Don't Have to Know Canon, Everyone Is Gay, Gay For You, Gay Male Character, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Lesbian Character, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Old Married Couple, Rare Characters, Rare Pairings, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Sorry Not Sorry, They Don't Even Know It's Weird, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9090880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megalodont/pseuds/Iguanadont
Summary: "I mean, you're together all the time, it's so weird," Polly droned, crossing her arms. "Are you guys experimenting or something?""I resent your notion of impropriety, Ms Chapman" Scorpius said, resting his head against Albus' knee. "We are married. "She spat pumpkin juice all over the pair of them.





	

It was sort of an unspoken litany, but something was very,  _very_ odd about Scorpius Malfoy and Albus Potter. 

The Slytherin common room had just settled in, most studying or reading or playing quiet games in relative silence when the portrait hole burst open and in strode the sixth year boys, joined at the hip.

"We'll do it our way, yes our way! Make all our dreams come true!"

" _Shut up_!"A seventh year in the corner yelled. The boys both froze before they began laughing all the way to their dormitory.

Yes, there was something very off about Scorpius Malfoy and Albus Potter.

Of course, even Horace Slughorn knew something was off about them as they sat across from him in his office.

"Tell me again, what did you boys do?"

"We charmed the Christmas Trees in the Great Hall to spin around and fire tinsel at people," Scorpius said.

"And what did they do?" Slughorn continued.

"They shot ornaments at them instead," Albus said. Indeed, they had, poor Professor Flitwick had been knocked right off of his feet. Professor McGonagall had been hit square in the face by said projectiles and now sported a very noticeable black eye. 

"Next time we just shoot the tinsel out of a cannon," Scorpius said, much to Slughorn's protest.

 

Scorpius and Albus sat on the stairs leading into the castle, Albus once again attempting to interest his pal in something other than his school work.

"He was a descendant from the younger branch of an illustrious family, and it was designed, that the deficiency of his patrimonial wealth should be supplied either by a splendid alliance in marriage or by success in the intrigues of public affairs. But St. Aubert had too nice a sense of honour to fulfil the latter hope, and too small a portion of ambition to sacrifice what he called happiness, to the attainment of wealth. After the death of his father, he married a very amiable woman, his equal in birth, and not his superior in fortune. The late Monsieur St. Aubert's liberality, or extravagance, had so much involved his affairs, that his son found it necessary to dispose of a part of the family domain, and, some years after his marriage, he sold it to Monsieur Quesnel, the brother of his wife, and retired to a small estate in Gascony, where conjugal felicity, and parental duties, divided his attention with the treasures of knowledge and the illuminations of genius." He read, perched a few steps above Scorpius as his fingers gently plied with a few strands of blonde hair.

"So what's the deal with you two?" Polly Chapman asked, stopping in front of the pair. Both sets of eyes looked up at the girl, matching looks of confusion on their faces. 

"What are you talking about, Chapman?" Scorpius asked, his eyes shutting quietly as Albus continued to knead his scalp. 

"That! You're always around each other, always touching each other." She began.

"So?" Albus asked, marking the place in his book and shutting it.

"I mean, you're together all the time, it's so weird," Polly droned, crossing her arms. "Are you guys experimenting or something?"  
"I resent your notion of impropriety, Ms Chapman" Scorpius said, resting his head against Albus' knee. "We are married. "  
She, in turn, spat pumpkin juice all over the pair of them. 

As the Gryffindor strutted away, the boys couldn't help but chuckle.

"Where were you there, Al?" Scorpius asked after a moment. Albus shook his head and opened the book once again.

"To this spot he had been attached from his infancy. He had often made excursions to it when a boy, and the impressions of delight given to his mind by the homely kindness of the grey-headed peasant, to whom it was entrusted, and whose fruit and cream never failed, had not been obliterated by succeeding circumstances.The green pastures along which he had so often bounded in the exultation of health, and youthful freedom--the woods, under whose refreshing shade he had first indulged that pensive melancholy, which afterwards made a strong feature of his character--the wild walks of the mountains, the river, on whose waves he had floated, and the distant plains, which seemed boundless as his early hopes--were never after remembered by St. Aubert but with enthusiasm  
and regret. At length he disengaged himself from the world, and retired hither, to realise the wishes of many years."

 

After being thoroughly exhausted by their exams, the three Slytherins and their Gryffindor companions all took a well-deserved break; meaning, Albus hadn't gotten out of bed all day and the rest of them sat around in the foyer leading into the dungeons reading the Daily Prophet. 

"Hey, Karl, Karl." Yann teased, tugging on the male's pant leg.

"What?" The other replied.

"Run your fingers through my hair like Al and Scorpius." Yann laughed.

"Shut up," Scorpius said, poking the male harshly.

"Ow!"

"I didn't even poke you that hard, Fredericks." The blonde said.

"I have sensitive thighs," Yann replied. This caused Craig to snort.

"He has sensitive thighs, Malfoy. Stop spreading them so much, Jenkins." At this, Karl proceeded to smack Craig. This rambunctious activity was interrupted by a loud cough. The four boys turned to see Albus standing in a robe, looking dead tired.

"Al, you're alive," Yann said. 

"Shut up, Fredericks." Albus began. "Where the hell is my pillow?" He asked, looking squarely at Scorpius.

"He's busy." The Malfoy replied.

"I'm sorry, but if you don't get your ass into the dormitory, I swear to God, I will tell them your middle name." At this, the blonde paled.

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would," Albus said. There was a tense silence for a moment before Scorpius stood up.

"I was getting pretty tired anyway." He said, following the dark haired boy into the dungeons.

"Dude," Yann said once they were out of earshot. "Scorpius is totally Albus' bitch."

Craig folded up his paper and promptly smacked him with it.

 

"Scorpius, how do you not realise how totally fucking  _whipped_ you are?" Karl asked, glancing out the compartment window to see if Albus was back yet.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Jenkins." The blonde said, his nose buried in a book.

"Oh? Al says jump, you say 'No thanks, I'd rather get on my knees.'" Karl raised an eyebrow.

"That's not whipped, Jenkins. And I do not say that." Scorpius continued. 

"Could have fooled me. "The other replied. "How long have you guys been together anyway?" At this, the blonde froze.

"I never said we were together, Karl."

"Wait, you guys aren't-" Scorpius shook his head. "You haven't even blown him?" Once again the blonde shook his head.

"We're not together, Karl."

"But you guys act like you're married and domestic!" Karl protested. "Look, I get you might not be ready to come out right now, it took a bit for Yann to be comfortable coming out too, even Polly and Rose, but I'm your friend and I'm gayer than you are, I won't judge you guys." That was right. Sometime after their run in on the stairs, Rose Weasley and Polly chapman had declared themselves lesbians and entered a relationship.

"Won't judge who, Karl?" Albus asked, opening the compartment door.

"You guys!" Karl said, exasperated.

"Karl thinks you and I are together," Scorpius explained.

"Together as in 'In Love' or together as in shagging in broom closets?" The dark haired Slytherin asked. 

"Together as in, I'm going to be the best man at your wedding!" Karl shouted.

"We're not together Karl," Scorpius said.

"You guys are so in love, come on," Yann said, following Albus in the compartment. 

"Are not."

"Just kiss already," Karl plead.

Both Slytherins glanced at each other, before shrugging.

 

 As the pair stepped off of the Hogwarts Express, Albus threw an arm around Scorpius.

"What's this?" Ginny asked.

"I'm a lizard woman from the dawn of time and this is my wife," Albus declared, kissing Scorpius' cheek. Ginny looked over at Harry and Draco, shook her head and said

"He's your son, Potter."


End file.
